but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
