Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
