why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
