I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
