More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
