I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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