Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
