I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
