I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
