I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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