Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
