Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
COCAINE IS GR8
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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