he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
