Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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