yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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