Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
