Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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