Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
