You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
