I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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