last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
