when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
