I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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