I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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