I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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