you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
