I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
