Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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