Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
