so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
