i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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