I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
