I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
