I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
