Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I AM VODKA MAN
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
