and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
