I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
