Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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