try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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