So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
