apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
