She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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