I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When are your genitals available?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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