now i know why i became what i already was.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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