I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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