This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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