remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
