I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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