I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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