I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
