Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
