Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
