Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
