Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
