just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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