I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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