Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize