next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
