...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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