God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
