dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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