and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
