just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need moral support for this bender
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
