So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
