i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
