Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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