I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
