I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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